__________

Have you ever become obsessed about something? I for one, have been obsessed with so many stuffs in my life. I am obsessed with perfectionism, designs, observing and predicting group dynamics, blogging, presentations, movie effects, Apple, Pixar, Google… Me being a perfectionist, will not commit to anything until I am certain that I will have enough time/effort to spend on a new interest. And once I start something, it usually has my full devotion.

So somehow dance became part of my life.

Is this the first time you are __________ about my obsession with dance? It has happened several times but ironically I can’t put a word to describe the emotions. Are those tears of frustration that I sensed? Or is it a call for more care and attention? So while we are complete fit in all aspects, and I seriously mean all, I guess we have something not in common after all.

Sometimes I wonder if I blabber so much about Chinese Dance in the past too. Especially during periods before and after the performance.

Oh, and don’t assume that what I blogged or emailed represents my thoughts to the bone. There are so many things out there that I want to discuss about but time is something that I do not have now. Even this draft had been sitting there waiting for me to bring it to a close for a long time. But since you have already jumped the gun, I suppose the “你好就好” works too.

Days ago, there are times when I question myself if I had made the right decision.

The balance has been tipped.

You take care too.

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19 thoughts on “__________

  1. 哇!吓了我一跳!还以为来到了别人的博客。
    很大的改变喔!
    从黑漆漆的背景换到白背景。
    虽然颜色上单调了,不过也好,突出字体。
    人生有很多决定,想清楚的决定未必就是最好的。
    不过,既然已经决定走这条路,就一定要勇往直前,相信自己的决定。
    不论结果是好是坏,至少你经历过了,那就无怨无悔了。
    加油吧!

  2. yup, read before that colours are responsible for attracting attention, hence should never be wasted on the background. rather, colours should and ought to be used for the most important contents.

    same goes for presentations. 🙂

  3. 读了感处特别多. 想起莫人曾经随口问我”舞蹈和我之间, 你会选择哪个?” 我毫不犹豫地答复”舞蹈”, 他伤心欲绝的样子. 回想这近四年里我对舞蹈的热衷有增无减. 选择三日工作制正是为了让我能够更专注舞蹈. 舞者的身边似乎也只容得下其他的舞者. 非舞者被拒于千里之外. 所以身边人的痛苦-我能体恤可又力不从心. 毕竟真的很难在两者之间作取舍.高峰一日未达, 怎能放弃?
    但话又说回来, 可要当真地得面对决择时, 是否能毫无愧歉地作出选择? 人有时也得为其他人而活. 眼前人得珍惜. 真的作不到为自我一意孤行, 随心所欲. 毕竟如xy所说”至少经历过了,那就无怨无悔了”. 调正了自己对自己的完美要求, 那样可能一切都会比较好消受. 是否达到完美的休止符, 我舞者的日子应该也省下不多吧?
    话说太多了. 不好意思. 总之…live life to the fullest…live each moment like you were born yesterday and there’s no tomorrow. live life so hard that each time you look back and you see no regrets. 🙂

  4. OMG sophia your standard of chinese amazes me hahahaha i never knew your chinese was so power o.O and i think all of you – your dedication towards dance amazes me even more haha very encouraging!

  5. clare: this dedication towards dance is really a result finding back what i had once lost and forsaken. Noticed that dancers are often obsessive in the perfection of their craft (you really don’t hear painters or artists as fanatic as dancers or athletes), hence for every ounce we choose to pursue and dedicate ourselves to in dance, we will lose in other aspects. Be it work, family, friends. this is the trade-off we have to make. But as long as we can live with our choices and the sacrifices we have to make in the other aspects without looking back and regret, then it’s worthwhile rite? life’s about making choices. imperfect unfortunately.

  6. 孟子説

    鱼,我所欲也,熊掌,亦我所欲也;二者不可得兼,舍鱼而取熊掌者也。
    生,亦我所欲也,义,亦我所欲也;二者不可得兼,舍生而取义者也。

    看来现在舞蹈与知己我不可兼得;而我多日前早就做下了决定。

    舞者的身边似乎也只容得下其他的舞者。

    不。我不想接受这”现实”。一定有方法维持一切的……

  7. your obsession is with dance, so let your full devotion to be dance. don’t self sabo and add worries to yourself, your soulmate, and then to all the other dancers who then have to take time to shower tender loving care and encouragement and advice to you. spend that time to quickly achieve your peak in dance lehs~ the faster, the better. scared only is after achieving your peak, instead of 急流勇退(duno why immediately think of xie shaoguang), the more you dance the more shiok u get and the life cycle as a dancer will not end there. perhaps scared is the right word only to me. (insert appropriate emotion here.) as for u, nzjoy this process of jumping higher, running more fluidly and getting to lift different girls every other performance(yes, jealous.)

    does true chemistry ever need our tending to? it’s impossible to not think about all this, but 顺其自然, 或许更容易细水长流。

  8. Clare, Sophia’s chinese is damn powerful. I also shocked the first time I heard her in chinese. haha.

    I guess that’s the price dancers have to pay. Be it time with family, friends, life outside of dance, school work etc. But I guess the stage is where all of us come alive… and that’s what keep us going, letting go of things 1 after another, just for that short moment of glamour on stage, or that satisfaction of perfecting a certain step.

  9. Yeah soph haha totally agree with you, i remember when i decided to join singapore team last time there were alot of sacrifices to be made and even though journey was tough but in the end i don’t regret a single thing about it. haha oh wells. and i realise everyone’s chinese is damn powerful except mine hahaha crap. i shall ummmm brush up on it! i’ll start by reading the first 10 pages of dictionary now! 😀

  10. clare~!!! i was drinking water when i was reading ur reply and i almost spew water all over my wife~! hahahahahaha… so what are the words in the first 10 pages of dictionary? 😀 😀 😀

  11. yeah, sacrifices indeed. but i’m glad it is for something that i like doing and i guess ultimately sometimes we need to know where to balance everything.. i remember the days of “er, i cant go with you all… got dance aft this”, “sorry think ya’ll jst go ahead n plan cuz i’m not sure when i’m free..” to the extent that after awhile my classmates jst gave up asking me out hahaha. and hey, people always say i got no life but i say dance is my life!:D sometimes letting go may bring about something better, something more beautiful. cuz if you dont loosen your grip, how are you going to grab the better thing that comes along? dont worry clare my chinese v lousy too lah hahaha.

  12. yes clare….u hv great comic timing coz i juz burst out laughing, spewing spots of saliva over my screen when i read u will read the 1st 10 pages of the dictionary. Hope u progress beyond dat or u will be only spewing words from a and sm b’s in hanyu pinyin. muahaha 😛

  13. HAHAHA guess what, I really actually wanted to go look at a dictionary but then I realised…. My house doesn’t have a single Chinese dictionary!! No wonder everyone in my family has such terrible standard of Chinese! And I realise I never had one/never used one because no one ever taught me how to use it hahahahaha someone can volunteer to teach me and hand me one! And by the way, I meant that comment as something serious la -.- not as something that makes people spit out water/saliva, that is just so gross. Aww man, wish I was funnier then your wife will really drown hehehehe.

  14. ermm they are usually go by hanyu pinyin or by strokes. maybe u can start with the English to Chinese ones but dun stop at the 1st 10 pages. 😛 Go invest in one lah – they will still come in handy even when one leaves school. I still use mine alot 🙂

  15. actually clare…it’s the serious enthusiasm when u proclaim u shall read the dictionary that makes it really really hilarious. it juz forms a funny picture in my mind – one of a bespectacled u in thick rimmed black glasses frantically ploughing and memorizing the words in the dictionary in a rather nerdy and goofy way. shucks cant get rid of this image….urggghhs….:P

  16. EH reading the dictionary is not very funny what! I read like 20 pages of my german dictionary everyday! I actually think my german is better than chinese now hahaha. okay don’t worry I will continue to improve on my level of humour so one day your wife will drown 😉 aiyoooo Soph, don’t think so much la hahaha and oh no, my specs are really those thick rimmed ones HAHAHA nvm la, don’t try to remove my image if it makes you laugh so much hahahaha.

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